David Spade on Dating Younger Women

So what's going on with
your dating life now? Are you single or are
you in a relationship? That's a great question, Ellen. It was written on this card. Yeah. The funny thing is I'm doing
this new audio book now where I talk about my
whole life like that.

It's sort of how I'm a
little out of it now. I'm a little out of the mix. I used to be more in it,
but I'm getting older. It's called A Polaroid
Guy in a Snapchat World, and so on this book, I just-- I did a book about
two years ago, and then this time, I go, a
lot of people like the audio.

I'm just going to
call Audible and just do it straight to Audible. So it's the only-- well, it's the
only one I've done. So it goes straight to Audible. Yeah, that's it.

You can preorder it right away. But anyway, it's about
my life and about all of the stupid things I do. And comparing sort
of then to now, one of them is
dating, where I go-- because sometimes I date girls
that aren't my exact same age-- like, they're
lower, a little bit. But mature.

They have to have
a GED, for sure. They don't have to. And by the way,
sometimes it's awkward. You're out and then you hear
like a Led Zeppelin song, and their face is blank.

And I'm like, you don't
know who Led Zeppelin is? They're like, dude, I don't
know who Maroon 5 is, all right. I'm young and you're old. Is there a problem? I'm like, no, no. Let's get some sushi.

And then there's
different things like you used to call girls
and get rejected on the phone, like-- [GRINDING NOISES] You know what I mean? You dial up, and now
it's all texting. If you text a girl and they
don't text you right back, it's over. And then they try
to get out of it. You're like, hey what's up? And then four days later,
they're like, what's up, babe? You're like, wait,
is this Wednesday? When did I text you? And then I go, oh, not much.

I want to hang out. Then five days later,
she's like, where you been? I'm like, what's going on? Are you not getting these? And I go, oh, I'm
the worst texter. I'm so bad at it, which--
no girl's bad at it. And you can tell because if you
ever go to dinner with them, they're just hunched over
their phone all night.

[RAPID FIRE NOISES] I go, oh, I see you're
getting the hang of it. Yeah. But anyway, it's all
stuff about dating. There's a girl the
other day that argued with me because she got in my-- I have an old car, and she
goes, do you have an aux cord? And I go, I don't know
what you're saying.

I don't know what that is. She goes, aux cord. I go, it's slower and
I still don't know. I go, do you mean
ox, like the animal? And she's like, what? And I'm like, you
don't know what that is and I don't know what that is.

And she goes, to
plug in my phone. And I'm like, I
have an iPod Shuffle in the glove compartment
for emergencies, but I didn't give it to her. I go, oh, I don't know. She goes, I can't believe
you don't have an aux cord.

I go, it's a 1995 Land Cruiser. I don't have reverse, all right. So you think you're
with James Bond? I'll take you to
the iPhone store. Jesus.

Oh my God. So that's sort of comparing. With animals, with life,
with everything I've done in my life, we just
go sort of then and now. So it is fun.

All right. So it's all-- you can
preorder it, by the way. David's book-- it's
called A Polaroid Guy in a Snapchat World. It's on Audible right now and-- That is a catchy title.

It is. I like it. Thank you. Did you say that? I don't know.

Yeah. I thought it. Yeah, that's a catchy title. There you go.

[LAUGHTER].