Sexy Internet Dating - London

D: Hey so we just moved to a new area. P: Yeah we should probably say hi to our new neighbors. D: Yeah.. Nah, I got a better idea.

P: What? D: Let's troll them using a location-based dating app! D:Basically, we're going to go on this app that people just use to sext each other, D: Except, we are going to pretend to be this wooden guinea pig. P: Hahaha, yep. D: Yeah... Phil: You've got like eight messages already.

What? Dan: Uh I know. I don't even need a photo and I'm just... Sex defined. Dan: Your status message.

"Lettuce be friends," hahah. P: I actually found that funny. D: Of course you did. Both: He wants you! D: This app is awful.

D: "Hey you look nice want to chat?" I don't have a picture. D: Do you like a girl with a bit of fur? D: Wanna see? Yeah! Ok then, send pic. D: Oh yeah, there you go. D: "What the heck is that? I like it, whatever it is." D: Woah! It's my furry area.

P: "I like ladiez." D: "I like ladiez." P: I like how it has a Z. D: Well you'll like me I'm a bountiful woman. Time for a picture. D: Check out those curves! P: I would.

P: "You're a freaking gaylord." D: Oh my god! When was the last time anyone used the word "gaylord?" D: That's brilliant! P: "Nice vegetable joke by the way." D: Haha! Thank you, I'm into vegetables. If you know what I mean. P: What's he going to say to that? D: I don't know he's probably going to get the wrong idea. D: Cucumber...

Aubergine... D: "Aubergine, that must be a bit of a squeeze." D: Not really, my cheeks expand. D: Oh god.. Face cheeks, guys! I'm not being obscene.

D: Okay. I think I should show him my rump. D: That. *Ss.

D: Oh yeah, there's my Nicki Minaj booty.
I hope he likes it. D: "Okay. I'm a bit confused lol." P: Does he not like a hairy woman? D: Do you not like a hairy lady? D: "Not for me, thanks." Oh my god, racist. D: Oh, got another guy talking to me.

P: "Hello." Hello. D: Hey there. What's your name? P: Haha. God the guinea pig is now a sassy black woman.

D: It is. P: "Manesh." D: Okay, well hello there Manesh. D: *laughing* "Me not very good English." D: Oh.. Oh poor Manesh.

D: Haha, hey hey Manesh. P: Aww, he looks quite sweet. D: Woah woah! Oh god. C*ck alert.

Alert. P: I thought he was a nice guy! D: Manesh... Why? D: Here's me showing off my sexy body. D: Oh man, he won't be able to handle that pose.

P: I don't think he will. D: I know, I can't handle that pose. D: I'm struggling to not get aroused just pretending to be the guinea pig to be honest. D: Uh oh! Tyrell is talking to me.

D: He looks like.. Uh wow! P: Nice gold teeth, Tyrell. D: Yes. He's a gangster.

D: "You a fun girl, then?" D: Oh yeah, here's a pic of me playing with myself. It's a bit messy. P: Dan.. D: Are you ready for this Phil? I don't think you're ready.
P: Okay.

D: There we go! P: What the hell? That's amazing. D: I know, I know P: "Lol is that your pet?" D: Oh, we got a message from him. "Here's me." Both: Woah! D: Okay. That..

That is a p*nis. D: What you think of my face? D: Okay, he's got to get it. D: Haha "the f*ck?" P: Just say: It's me! D: It's me!!!! D: Haha "what the f*ck is this? You joking?" D: Haha no. I'm a guinea pig.

D: "I'm gonna get you." P: Woah! Calm down, Tyrell. D: Okay, this escalated. D: "I know guys yeah. I know guys." P: He knows guys.

D: Guys, he knows guys! D: "They'll find you, and shut your face." P: They'll shut your face? D: Oh sh*t. Oh this is a serious threat from Tyrell the gangster. D: "Hello how do you do? Want to chat? Or can we meet already?" D: Oh yeah I can come to your place tonight. D: If not you can come to my place.

You can pee all over my cage and mark your territory. D: "Oh you like that?" Yeah.. D: I need you to impregnate me. D: "Impregnate you? Lol you wanna be pregnant?" Yes! P: For the ninth time! D: Oh god I just typed suc into the chat.

Abort abort. D: You into anything kinky? P: Oh god, not with this guy. D: "I've not had a chance to explore much honey. You might think I'm boring..

D: "I just like slow deep touchy-feely sex with a lot of.." Oh gahh! Both: *Noises of disgust* D: And then Dan threw up everywhere. D: I might squeak though. Is that a turn-off? D: Send. "Lol not if it's a squeak of pleasure." Both: *Noises of disgust*
D: Ugh! Cringe! Vomit! Blehh.

D: Wow this guy's bio says "I'm in for almost anything." D: Wow okay. So let's see. D: In for almost anything eh? Ever heard of the human centipede? P: What's that gotta do with the guinea pig? P: It's gone a whole new tangent now. D: Well I can't not ask that question with a bio like that.

D: "Yep, I really draw the line there." D: Aww. Party pooper. D: Ugh. Captain P*nis won't stop messaging me.

D: What does he want this time? D: Jesus ugh! How many angles of the same p*nis can you send to someone? P: What the hell?
D: I'm not even replying to him! D: Manesh why? P: Why Manesh? D: This guy just won't stop!
P: Maybe you should block him? D: I dont.. Yeah maybe or something like that. Umm, oh f*ck. P: What? D: I..

Oh f*ck.
P: What what? D: I just sent our location.
P: Dan! D: Well what does that mean? We don't know what that means. P: That's our exact house!
D: Oh sh*t! *Laughing* D: What? How did I do that? P: We're going to have this naked guy turn up to our apartment. D: It wasn't my fault I didn't mean to. It was the app! D: We'll just open the door and it'll just be Manesh in a trenchcoat.

D: Okay it's time to get off this app, and I'm going to delete it and then I'm going to set fire to the phone and then set fire to the house. P: Sounds like a plan. D: Okay. Right! So yeah that was fun.

Sometimes you want to put something creative onto the internet and other times you just want to sexually roleplay as a guinea pig. I have something exciting to announce! Okay, right. I don't even know how this was organized, but you know my llama hat? Well district lines, who sell all the tshirts for youtubers, have just started to sell this llama hat. There are now official Dan llama hats that you can buy...

Yeah. I do a typical youtuber thing and say "hey if you buy this thing then you can be a part of the..." "Llam... Llamarmy" Oh my god, that's amazing. But no, so I'll put a link to them down in the description and yes they ship worldwide.

So if you send me a picture of you wearing one of them to my email address, then I will do another sexy viewers thing at the end of my video. But, llama hat edition. And yeah. I hope this has made whatever week you've been having somehow more positive.

I don't know. Bye guys..