THIS GAME IS HILARIOUS!Shark Dating Simulator - Part 1

*WHOO-PAH* TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA LADDIES! My name is Jacksepticeye and have you ever wanted to date a shark? I know you have. There's a very small group of people out there- there's probably a subreddit out there for people who find sharks very attractive. I am the co-founder of that movement, and I say that people should be allowed to date sharks! So here we are, in my video game that I did not create at all, but for the sake of this joke, I one hundred percent created this game to delve into my habits of wanting to date a shark. So welcome to "Shark Dating Simulator XL." *Clap* *Clap* Say it with me: sharks are people too! Sharks are people too! Sharks are people too! Yes! Thank you! Very good, very good.

Let's begin! Okay, this is me apparently. I have a fantastic profile! Look at that strong jaw! [Reading] My one true home. The place that I long and yearn for. *Dramatic yawn* But were they cold ones? They had to be cold ones 'cause you can't crack anything else open with the boys! *Pinging noise* MOTHER OF GOD! That's a lot of boobs you have! Jesus! Genuine fish scientist.

Me too. I have my uh-I have my uh- my uh- little certificate of whale biology... Right here. See, it's right here.

*Waves book* You- it's the- my whale biology course. That's a good one! [Reading] Is it coming off of your attitude?! Lollygagging, chin-wagging, shenanigans, all welcome! No woolgathering! If you- any of you out there start any woolgathering, it'll be...*Chops* shkroo- death by boobs for you! [Back to reading] Whoa, that's a difficult sentence. "Holy cow, is this the kind of lame-brained scrub Scuba School...." Jesus Christ. Wait, did she just call me a scrub? [Reading] Uh, actually, your outfit is an insult to fish science! Okay.

We are out here to do some GENUINE fish science Whale biologist. How else am I gonna get my doctorate in how to- fix blowholes if you're dressed like this?! Confusing everybody! The fish don't know what's going on anymore. "Now listen up, you neanderthal sea sponge." Fuck. Me.

I mean, I know we're out on the ocean. I know it's full of salt. That doesn't mean YOU have to be. Okay.

All those delicious flavors out there, and you chose to be salty. [Continues] Really? It seems like you'd stay far more buoyant than any of the rest of us. "Oh, what's with the goose look, you inbred?" I just came out here to do some genuine fish science, and I'm honestly feeling SO attacked right now! I mean, I didn't do anything bad. I came out here wide-eyed, full of wonder, ready to tackle the sea! Like a genuine sailor boy! But, my God, okay? "Do you have a question or something?" Oh God, yes.

Well "what am I actually supposed to be doing?" Okay. "Wow....Are...[Laughing] are those real?"  I wanna ask that. *Laughing* Oh God, I feel like I'm playing Hunie Pop all of a sudden. Is it "Shark Dating Simulator," or "Big Boobs McGee Dating Simulator?" No! Sharks! So I'm not gettin' it on with her.

I'm just gonna ask what I'm supposed to be doing. Even though she's just gonna insult me when I ask this. Right? Wait! Wait. Insult in three...Two...One...

[Reads] Okay. Crisis averted, everybody! There's no insults happening. We're fine. You name is Marina? That's a fake name.

Your name is about as real as your chest [Reading] *Laughing* I'd like to think that that's actually what the fishermen say. They're out going alone, and some scientific reasoning could be occurring, but they're just like, "Um, Houston. The- some weird-ass fuckin' shit going on around here!" *Chuckle*  Please tell me that's how astronauts actually address Houston. "Uh, Houston, we have a problem.

There's some fuckin' mad stuff bastard goin' on up here in space. Did you know it's all empty?" [Reading] Here we go. "OK...It seems that I'm on a boat with a fuckin' lunatic." "...But the fishermen have provided me with a lot of....*Hard* evidence." "One man claims a sea ass begged him for his life." "Another says a Herring called him a twat." *Dies laughing* *Inhales* I'd love to think that that's the first thing you- a talking fish would say to you. *Laughs* It's like, "Oh my God! These fish can talk!" He's like, "Of course I can fuckin' talk, you twat! *Giggles* [Reads while gradually laughing more and more] This is amazing! Are you sure the locals around here just have nothing better to do but heroin or shrooms or somethin', they're all imagining this? I don't know.

Maybe 's because everything around here is salt. The air is salt, the sea is salt, to a certain degree my blood is salt. [Reads] Ah! Good old Marina. She came out here wanting to be an actress.

But when that didn't work out 'cause people realized she had a face for radio, THEN, she went into the empirical sciences of.... Fishing! Because that's where her true love lay??? I dunno. BUT ONCE the higher echelons of the fishing society get a hold of these findings, they'll take her seriously. AND THEN....

Acting!  [Continues] "Then get in there, soldier boy!" Wow! I'm a sailor boy. Okay. Big boy sailor me me big boy! [Laughing] Into the ocean I go! Oh shit! Just remembered. Can't swim.

Maybe they should've taught that at fish college. Ah, I got a checkpoint! "Ah...The majesty of life under the ocean wa-" Oh, I'm in. [Reading in a gurgling voice] If I was a talking fish, I wouldn't be in da ocean. I'd be on Broadway! Learning how to act with all the people! Not Miss Marina anyway.

[Reading in normal voice] Ss- uh- a sponge for a brain is not that bad. You know what a sponge does? It absorbs everything around it. So if you have a sponge-brain, it- it absorbs all the knowledge that's going around. SpongeBrain BobPants! [Reads] That's an ol' checkaroo, my bro! *Faint wailing noise as the text pops up and surprises Jack* Fuck! Okay, God.

Where should I look first? Um, maybe inside in my heart. "Maybe inside that old wreck? Behind that seaweed looks promising." [Like a stoner] Haa. Behind that seaWEED, dude. Imma fuckin' check out the seaWEED.

"Uh, hello? Any little fishes in here?" *Jack doesn't even know what to do with this man* First rules of fish school is that they teach you proper grammar! That the plural for fish is 'fish.' 'Kay, not 'fishes!' God, do I have- *stutters* do I have chum for brains? Heh, it's a little- it's a little sea joke. It's a little fish joke. You'll get it in a while... [Reads] He just turns around, he's like, "Fuck off, cunt!" Heh heh! It's like, "Okay! I guess they CAN talk! Everybody's- everybody's so angry down here!" You know why? 'Cause they're so SALTY  in the ocean! "How are you doing today?" *Absolutely dies from laughter* YE-HES! Oh my God, that's exactly- I was only jokin' around! *Laughs* "SUCK ON MAH BALLS!" Duh- "What the fuck did you just say?" "SUCK ON MAH BALLS!" *Snickers* Sea slugs don't even got any balls! Oh, I'm so glad I played this game! [Reads] [Laughing] Asking the real questions.

"SUCK. ON A-MAH A-BALLS!" Am I Aquaman? Yes. You are. Didn't you see my degree in fishology and fisharonomy?! God dammit, man.

[Continues] Suck on all of my spaghett! "You got balls!" Oh God! What happened? Did I just get two fish balls? Is this real life? Man. Twenty eighteen, opening up to such fantastic wonders. In the future, we have talking fish! Also, by the way, Happy New Year everybody. Hope you're having a good time.

"I'll be there are some fish inside that old wreck over there." "I'll try there. Let's see if I can get in." *Ping noise* WHOA! HOLY FUCK! Who is this beauty who stuns before me?! You're not gonna tell me to suck your balls, right? "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE BAKA?!" That's- that's a stupid person for any of you who don't speak the 'Yapanese' like I do. I've watched a few animoos in my time, okay? And don't FUCK with me, 'cause I have the power of God AND anime on MY side! I'm ready, Shark Chan! [Reading] Nani? The FUCK?! You don't sound like you mean it, okay? Um, I think all of that goes fuckin' out the window once the shark talks to you. Uh, [Reads options] Do that one! Give her the ol' *PSSHH* NANI SORRREEE! You have messed with the wrong guy for this time! [As Kenshiro] Omae wa mou shindeiru.

HWING! Oh my God! [Reads] You told me you were gonna bite me. Oooohh, unless you meant that in a sexual way- actually, no. What? That's not sexual. Now you sound like a dolphin.

*Impression of a sick dolphin* I like how you went with the 'violent' part and not the 'little' one. Jeez, everyone just insults me. SUCK ON MAH BALLS! You wanna- you wanna tussle with the muscle? You wanna go? Just 'cause this is your home, just 'cause this is your domain doesn't mean I can't just fuckin' kick down your door and say, "WHAT'S UP, FUCKERS!" "Come at me!" Oh shit! I thought I had to click on the balls! Dammit! [Continues] [Distant] SUCK ON MAH BALLS! GOD DAMMIT, SNAIL! GET OUTTA HERE! Always wantin' me to suck on his balls. [Reads] But, I am massively erect afterwards.

Heh! I've got balls! Who wants balls? Everybody wants balls! You want balls? I've got balls! [High-pitched] I love balls! *Slightly confused laughter* Whoo hoo, WHAT!? Jesus Christ! *Sniffing* Do you guys smell smoke? Because I have been LIT THE FUCK UP right now! [Continues, but is still trying to recover] How 'bout you fuckin' get a smack across the tits? You find wetness inside a shower, okay? These are things that happen in the real world. You find silicol- silicon inside my boobs. These are all accurate facts. Who knew? Learning everyday.

Everyday is a new experience. Twenty eighteen. New year, new me. SUCK ON MAH BALLS! [Laughing] "Why are males so useless?" Wow! Just throwing out that casual sexism! No fuckin' problem! Whatever, okay!? I'm genuine fish scientist! I don't need to listen to the likes of you! I'm gonna go to the ocean and live with the true...Meaning of life.

[Timidly] "Gee whizz, I'm really sorry Miss Marina!" No! "If you think sharks are no big deal, YOU do it!" Yeah! Stand up for yourself! Really startin' to think that she's not that great a person. Really starting to think that Miss Marina is a little bit of a BITCH. That's what I'm saying. First rule of fish school: learn to swim.

"It's these accursed breasts!" *Laughing* [Finished reading] *Laughs* All the jokes I've made before they've said them. *Laughs* I'm just dickin' around, man, I'm just havin' a good time! *Giggles* [Muffled] SUCK ON MAH BALLS! GARY! Yeah- not the right time, okay? But accurate, okay? "I bet I could handle them." Fuck! Shit! "Nice going, mouth!" Aaaww! When the brain and the mouth don't communicate, then it make bad mouth! *Sigh* I need to make better mouth next time. "Fuck you, brain! You're not the boss of me!" *Laughing* I made the joke again before they made it! [Reading] *Giggles* You talkin' about the boat or your boobs? *PHYOO* *Laughs* I'm gonna leave rooms like that from now on. It's like, "Oh.

Sorry, I have to go!" *PHYOO* *Distant laughing* [Reads] *Clap* Whoo! Fuck yeah! A good first day! We got someone to suck on mah balls, we got six balls, punched a shark, talked about a lady's boobs, and got insulted all day! If that's not a great start to the day, I don't know what is. [Reads] Is Bruno Mars is gay? Is Harry Potter really the chosen one, or was it Neville all along? Are eyebrows really considered facial hair? Do vegetarians and vegans really eat animal crackers? If Jacksepticeye yells in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does he really make a sound? That's a trick question because the real answer to that is yes because I can be heard all throughout the cosmos. [Continues] How many humans have fucked fish? Enough for evolution to take over. *Giggles* *Chuckles* Just like Annie said: it's only a day away.

*Giggles* This game is amazing! Okay, are we starting off the next day? There we go Okay! Well I'm going to leave this episode here of..."Shark Dating Simulator?" Was that what it's called? I'm gonna call it "Shark Dating Soob- Scuba School Insult Simulator." Oh my God. This is amazing! I just found this randomly on Steam as I was going through. I wanted to find some silly little games to play. THIS has completely impressed me! This made me laugh WAY harder than I thought it was going to.

It's a go- it's awesome! Heh heh! Anyway! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THIS EPISODE! IF YOU LIKED IT... PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE....LIKE A BOSS! AND... Happy twenty eighteen all around. *WHOO-PEESH* *WHOO-PEESH* BUT THANK YOU GUYS AND i WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES....

IN THE NEXT VIDEOOOOOOO! Happy twenty eighteen! I have to go now. *PHYOO* *Dramatic exit*.