Why Online Dating Is Bad For UsMayim Bialik

- Guess what? I tried (giggling) online dating. Oh, yes I did. I'm sure you won't be surprised that it did not work for me.
Why? I'm gonna tell you in a second, but the takeaway message is
online dating is contributing to the fall of Western civilization. On that note, this video is brought to you by Audible.

Audible is an amazing place to go. It's my favorite place
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Super awesome. Make sure to like this
video if you like it, subscribe to this channel and make sure you hit the little bell icon so you can get notifications
about all of my videos. Online dating did not go
well for many reasons. First, I think people thought I was lying when I said that I was me.

That's super awkward and the
topic for a whole other video. Second, people may not have
wanted to go out with me, which I get. You know, like life in a fish bowl, I'm really complicated
and I'm super outspoken, I make a weird amount of money. I get it, I'm not for everyone, I get it.

Third, people just may not
have liked my description of myself as someone who
enjoys X-Men, neuroscience, and Scotch, in that order. Not your thing, fine. Here's ultimately why online
dating just isn't my thing. (Bongos drumming) The number one reason why online
dating did not work for me and possibly is contributing to the fall of Western civilization as we know it is that it is shopping for humans.

(Giggling) You're shopping for humans. You see a couple pictures of someone and you decide whether or
not you wanna buy that human or rent them. Also, not judging you
if this is your thing. For me, it started to feel really creepy.

When someone posts a profile
and picture of themselves, they are carefully curating
the image that they want you to see of them. Online dating makes it so that we're effectively sales people, trying to post the things
that will make you swipe on the life that I think
you want to see me having. It's not natural. I mean, it's not.

It's not the way that
humans have ever interacted in like the history of homo sapiens. In real life, you don't swipe on people. Swiping is dehumanizing. It reduces us to objects.

You are shopping for humans. (Bongos drumming) The second reason that online
dating really didn't work for me is that most, many,
most, all, many, most men that I saw pictures of
are not the kind of men, based on those pictures,
that I would be interested in and I don't think they would
be interested in me either. I saw a lot of pictures of men on yachts. I saw a lot of pictures of
men posing with what appeared to be like legit strippers.

A lot of pictures in Vegas. A lot of dudes with beer and
all different kinds of alcohol. A lot of cigar pictures. A lot of shirtless, oiled up, waxed chests and if this is your idea of like the kind of guy you wanna go out with, there are plenty of them out there.

Knock yourself out. For me, it's not really my jam. Where, where pray tell, are
all the poets and the dreamers, and the guys who are like
into Indie Rock and Sci-Fi, and like documentary films, and drinking coffee late at night, and talking about philosophy? Where are those guys? Scrolling through hundreds
and possibly thousands of pictures of people who were
not that guy was not my idea of a way to spend time and while cold beer and waxed chests don't
directly contribute to the fall of Western civilization, I put it in here because
it's funny and it's true. (Bongos drumming) The third reason that online
dating is contributing to the fall of Western
civilization or the second, if you're paying attention
and you're a stickler, is the fact that it
provides too many options.

Dating apps make you feel
like there's always someone out there who's just a little bit better than the person that
you're dating right now or the possibility exists. You can't be present with
the person you're sitting across the table from if
you're constantly thinking about what else is out there. It's hard to be content when you know that there are thousands and thousands of other possibilities for you and you're much less likely to
give someone a second chance if you would rather just think like, I'll just login and start swiping and I'll find someone better. Many sociological studies on dating apps in particular have shown
that we are much less likely to stick it out if we're
constantly assuming that there are other options out there.

I mean, is this why so many
people are getting divorced? I don't know, maybe this
is contributing to the fall of Western civilization. (Bongos drumming) That's like liquor on the
rocks, sex over dating. No, ice cream on pie, over pie. Sex over dating.

The fourth reason that I think
online dating is contributing to the fall of Western civilization is that it is encouraging people
to have sex instead of date. Sex is healthy and fun and important and the sex between
committed people is super, duper awesome. It's something I believe in. I always have and I always will and I don't begrudge
people who want to have sex rather than date.

A lot people say that online
dating has allowed women to kind of level the playing
field when it comes to sex. We get to be in charge and
we get to seek out people and we get to have pleasure, but for young men in
this space in particular, we're finding that it's
kind of becoming a way for men to have their cake and eat it too. Women indeed can end up
wracking up sex partners like men do, but women and men are not
biologically the same. I mean, sure, men and women
both need and deserve sex, but the complexity of sex is
different for men and women by in large.

Women connect differently,
women react differently, women are raised in the
patriarchy differently than men who are raised in the patriarchy. While online dating is
something that I once tried to use for more options, ultimately it didn't work for me because it had too many options. My options were to ignore my instincts. I rejected that.

My options were to view
people like puppies in a pet store window. I rejected that too. My options were to get back out there and go have sex with some strangers. I rejected that.

My options were also to
consider the online dating pool and an open, infinite,
wonderful place of exploration and freedom and liberation. I did not find those things
and so I rejected it. I know that online dating
is the wave of the present and possibly the wave of the future and I'm very grateful that
I only went on a few dates and didn't have sex on any of them. Just in case you're wondering, the conventional ways of
meeting people still exist.

You can meet them at school
or while doing hobbies. You can meet them at a
synagogue or at church, or any number of places that
people congregate in person. Art museums, political
rallies, coffee shops, some of my favorite places to hang out, but no one was looking for me there. Different story.

It might take some extra work
to meet people in person, but you may ultimately thank yourself and so will all of Western civilization. Thank you again to Audible
who are sponsoring this video. Check out any of the
books that I've written, such as Mayim's Vegan Table,
Girling Up, Boying Up, Beyond the Sling. Go to www.Audible.Com/mayim
or text Mayim to 500500 for a free book and a 30-day trial.

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