Why Don't Guys Ask Me OutChristian Dating Advice

Hey girls! Tiffany dawn here, and I have
pulled my hubby James back into this video. He's so kind. He's on his lunch
break for work right now, eating and I asked him if he would just kind of
chat with us. So um basically this video is for girls like me, who when I was in
high school and college, I had these- and most of my 20s- I had these like three
questions: Number one, why am I still single? Number two, why doesn't anybody ask me out? And number three, why doesn't anybody
like me? And I just felt kind of like left out, like all my girlfriends---
Do you mean by guys, right? Oh yeah.

Sometimes people say that, but what they really
mean is the guys that I think I like, don't like me back. Right, exactly. So
we're gonna talk about that. Today I have four tips for you, and James is gonna add
his two cents in, and these four tips are just things that can maybe help, like if
you're kind of feeling stuck, like nobody's--no guys are interested in you,
these are four things that you can try that might actually help.

So tip number
one is be open, like be friendly. I. Realized that I kind of was just walking
around with this like stone cold face toward guys. And really I was so scared
of rejection that I-- like if I liked a guy, there was no way I was gonna let him
know I was interested by my actions, because I was so scared of being
rejected and I just couldn't handle that.

And so I just kind of was mean or like
cold toward them. And I remember like in later years actually, this guy who I'd
actually liked back then, we'd gotten reconnected. And as we were talking, he was like, "ou know I almost asked you out back then," or, "I wanted to ask you out back then." And I was like, "What? Why didn't you?" And he goes, "I didn't think there was any
chance you'd say yes, based on like how you treated me." I was like, Ohhh... That's such a good story.

I feel like this happens all the time
between guys and girls and it's kind of like this emotional game of chicken. It's
like, "Well I I would like to ask her out but I really don't want to be rejected
so I'm just gonna like observe and maybe I can like see the signs if she likes me." Yeah it takes a lot for a guy to like, to ask a girl out. Guys hear stories
about rejections, guys have probably been rejected a couple times, like we're
scared. So the friendlier you can be, the
easier it's gonna be for us to be like, talking to her, talking to her, and, "Do you want to gout for ice cream?" You sort of have to like squeeze it out.

Yeah I don't
think girls realize that enough, like how scary it is for guys, because
like guys seem like they have no emotion sometimes. That's not true; we just don't
know how to express it. Yeah so I think that's really important
to know. And I found like the more approachable we can be in our demeanor--
like even ask some of your honest friends, "How do I come across to
strangers or to guys? Like am I coming across like the mean person, or am I like
smiling and like open to talking with them, and like easier to talk to?" -- I think
that just makes it a whole lot easier for a guy to work up the courage to ask
you out.

Yes okay yes. So tip number two is expand your horizons a little bit. So
I always had like this certain kind of guy that I wanted to go out with. I like
I wanted to go out with a guy who was six feet tall -- not a James look-alike by the way.

Well in some ways; I mean you have dark hair and dark eyes which I wanted, and like
tan-ish or olive skin, you know, but you're not 6'3", which is what I wanted. Nope. It'd be nice if I was. Well it's kind of nice that you're not, because like guys I dated who
were over six foot tall, like trying to kiss them was like -- it put a kink in my neck.

That's why you go to the chiropractor so much now! It makes sense! And I wanted him to play guitar -- nope -- and be a worship leader and like a youth leader and stuff like
that, so I definitely was looking for like this very specific type of guy. When
I was in my 20s, I was like: Wow I'm going to all these different events and I'm
meeting all these different guys and I. Keep coming home and saying there's no
good guys out there. But what I'm really saying is there's no good guys who are
6'3" and play guitar and lead worship.

And that might have been true that there were no single ones left. But like I was way too narrow in my focus and I really needed to
expand my horizons. But I think it's easy to like narrow our options so much
and be looking for something so particular that we pass by amazing guys. Now it's
important to be attracted to the person, absolutely,
but like you can be attracted to more than one type of person.

Mm-hmm. That is
true. And I know even one of my one of my friends who's single is, I think most
people would agree, is a pretty attractive human being. And all of
Tiffany's friends want to meet him.

That's so true. But they
don't know him at all! They just see his picture on social media and they're like, "Yeah! We want to meet him!" But they really, they have no idea what he's like. Yea, like it's very shallow.
Like guys do the same thing. But like, you can't-- you're not truly gonna be
attracted to someone until you know them.

Personal interaction is so important.
It's important for girls to realize too, like we get frustrated with guys
because we're like, "Why do you guys just go after the cute, popular girls? Like
it's not fair, why isn't anyone interested in me?" But girls we do the
same thing to guys so many times! Well I. Think every person is sort of inclined
to do that on some level. That's true. And it's just something to be like really careful about and just aware of.

I realized I. Didn't even notice other guys in the
room if they didn't meet my mold and I. Had to open my eyes and literally like
open my peripheral vision to be able to notice these other guys, and even get to
know them. And I'm so glad I did because I really like being married to him.

Yeah.
Still can't play guitar. Tip number three is like go out in places where you can
kind of meet more people. Different kinds of people, yeah. Like
get involved in different circles.

Because I think it's really easy to just
like want to spend all your time- fill it all with girls nights. And that's fine,
but if that's all you do with your time, where do you expect to meet guys? Yeah Or get to know guys. We do not attend girls nights. Yeah.

That's true. You have man cave nights. I'm
always like, "Where are all the guys?" They're all together, all the good guys. If you find
one, there's a pack of them! I'm like convinced of it.

But yeah there is some
truth to that. So I think it's important to like actually like get to know
different people, like hang out with friends from work, hang out with from
church, hang out with friends from school, and just like, you know, bring a
girlfriend with you and go and just join them, and get to know new people and
other circles. And kind of - I don't know - it also expands your horizon. Try to
make - try to regularly meet new people.

Many of them you won't connect with and
that's totally fine, but you'll probably end up making some new friends. Yeah and that can be really scary for someone who isn't an extrovert. Like James is 100% extroverted. I'm not.

"Whoo, new people!" Yeah for real though. It's like the Energizer Bunny. But for me like I don't love just meeting new people all the
time; it's super draining and nerve-wracking. But if
you plan for it.

Yes. And you don't do it super regularly, and you just do it like
once every other week. And if it has like structure. So like I would join - I
remember joining this Bible study for a while and it was like with a different
church and I had a couple of friends who went, so I went.

And I was
very clear, like I'm only here for this session, and I was very honest with
myself and with my friends: I was only there to meet any cute guys there. I shouldn't
say just cute. It was true at the time. But to meet guys, I should have - I should
have been just guys - yeah.

And then tip number four is a surprising one,
which is: you can ask the guy out. That's totally fine. We are fine with that. I speak for the entire male race.

Not really, but sort of.
You know it's a great if a girl asks you out. If she like doesn't say, "Would you
like to go on a date with me," but more like, "Hey you do want to like study
sometime or do you want to get some coffee," you know. You're like, "Oh they do like me!" It's great. It's like a less subtle clue that they can start to pick up on.

Yeah, yes, we don't do subtle. Yeah I. Definitely speak for the male race there.
And I think some sometimes girls get kind of hung up on the idea of, "But the
guy has to pursue me." Yeah but being pursued is like something you see over a
period of time, like months. Like if you look back over the last four months and
you don't feel like you're being pursued, that's one thing.

Who asks who on the
first date? Not a big deal. Yeah and really like I think both people
should also be pursuing each other. Excuse me as I'm hiccuping. If only one person is pursuing, even if it is the guys, that's gonna be a miserable relationship.

So
those are our four tips. In closing, let me just say, like,
girls if you feel this way, there are so many girls who feel this way. I want you
to know you're not alone. And guys - yeah - on a serious note.

Cause like I think I
think it's easy to think we're the only ones left. Like I'm the only one who's
never been asked out, and the only one who's never had a boyfriend, like what's
wrong with me? And you're not the only one. There are so many girls who feel
that way and I personally know like several of them, and they're amazing
girls and they are in that same place. And it's tempting to ask like, "What am I
doing wrong?" And I think if you're doing these four tips and you're open to, you
know, what God has for you, and not kind of hiding in fear, I think you're
fine.

And also that like, your worth can't come from guys, which sounds so
cheesy and church talk-y, but like truly, it's real. Like even being married I
always thought you know being married, like then I'll have this husband who
like helps me find all my worth and he like loves me so much. And even though
James is a wonderful husband and does love me so much, like when I try to look
to him for my sense of like worth and who I am, it like falls short. Like he
cannot give that to me.

I have to find that in God. And I know that it's hard to
hear when you're single cause you're like, yeah but it's easier at least when
you're married. And yeah it's nice to be married and I love that like affirmation
from him, but we - at the core it cannot fill any part, any void in me. And so I
think like right now, like finding that in Christ is huge, even though it sounds
really cheesy, it's huge.

Yeah and I. Think all of us are sort of on different
timelines and no one timeline is better or worse than another. You know sometimes we think, "It'd be so cool to marry someone, you know, your highschool
sweetheart!" And that is wonderful. But also for people like Tiffany and I
who met in our late 20s, it's been wonderful for us too.

And we think, "If
we dated in high school, we would have fought for like ten years!" We would not have even lasted a day. And like we got to have so many adventures in the meantime,
like you got to travel around South America for a year and like build a tree
house air B&B kind of thing and like go on like work on a sheep farm in
Patagonia and like all that. And Tiffany got to travel and tour, and you know that
yeah, you know we just had amazing experiences in our single years with
God. So I just want to encourage you like, don't feel like you're being left out,
even though it feels like that sometimes.

Um I really think that this season can also be a gift even though it's hard. So I have some videos linked down below
about that. One is what I wish I knew when I was single, and one is to all the
single girls, and they kind of share my own experiences more with this. So girls
I hope that those four tips can help in some way, and that this can encourage you.

Comment down below if there's anything you would add to this list and we will
see you again soon. Love you girls! Bye. Bye..